Something Had To Give
by BethSHeartbeat
Summary: The events of recent episodes has left Connie Beauchamp feeling more than a little broken. Her 'Ice Queen' façade is slipping and so she finds herself putting herself in therapy to try and figure out how to get back what she's missing, her happiness.
"Connie Beauchamp." The woman called as she walked out to the waiting room. For a moment Connie stayed sat in the same place, she showed no outward sign of acknowledgment that her name had been called instead she found herself lost in her own thoughts. "Mrs Beauchamp." The woman tried again, a little louder this time after no one in the waiting room stood. This time Connie was awoken from thoughts and quickly stood, gathering her bags and ignoring the glances from others seated around her.

Connie followed the woman until they reached an office, one which wasn't too dissimilar to her own back in the ED. The woman, who was roughly of a similar age to Connie, took a seat behind her desk and gestured for Connie to take a seat on the sofa just beside her. "I'm Dr George, but you can call me Julia." Julia smiled, "So do you prefer Mrs Beauchamp or Connie?" She asked, a friendly tone clear in her voice.

Connie considered for a moment, "Connie is fine." She answered, her tone more clipped than she'd meant it to be.

"So can you tell me a little more about yourself?"

"I'm clinical lead in the emergency department of Holby City Hospital and I have a 10 year old daughter called Grace."

"Anything else?" Julia asked, looking up from her notepad as Connie remained quietly. "Connie?" She pushed, only moving on when the woman in front of her slowly shook her head. "I see, so why are you here?" Julia asked, wanting to get to the root of why Connie had referred herself to a therapist, tears began collecting in the clinical lead's eyes.

"I can't…" She began before her voice trailed off, finding herself unable to find the words to say what she needed to. "Something had to give." Connie admitted, quickly wiping away the tears that escaped down her cheeks.

"What do you mean?"

"She warned me that something had to give, I love her so much and I can't lose her but what gave was my happiness." Connie continued, the tears falling down her cheeks now faster than she could wipe them away. She was supposed to be the 'Ice Queen' but ever since her near death experience it was harder to cut herself off from her feelings, it was harder to convince herself that she didn't need other people, and Jacob in particular.

"Connie I can't help you if you only give me fragments of the story." Julia sighed. "Take a deep breath and start at the beginning."

"I never intended to let him in, he wore me down, and he made me fall for him. He made me feel so happy, so loved and wanted. I hadn't felt like that in such a long time, his touch instantly relaxed me whether we were in resus or at home on the sofa. I felt like I was the centre of someone's universe, I felt like I had someone battling alongside me." Connie sighed, a smile creeping onto her face as she thought about him, before more tears filled her eyes when she realised that he wasn't hers anymore.

"Who's he?"

"Jacob."

"That sounds very positive, like exactly the kind of relationship that most people strive for."

"Grace, my daughter, she lived in New York with her dad. I was a rubbish mum, I didn't expect her to be back in Holby but there she was. She stood in front of me and told me how much she hated me, I had never felt so guilty, never felt like I'd failed so badly before. I couldn't breathe in that moment, and yet again Jacob was there. I spoke to Grace and tried to make it up to her, but still her dad took her away. Jacob made me chase after her, he got me my baby girl back."

"So what changed?" Julia asked, sensing that this story didn't end as happily as it seemed to be going now.

"I was taken hostage, I was threatened with a vial of HIV positive blood. Jacob saved me, I got so angry at him for putting himself in danger and yet he did it to save me."

"How did you feel?" Julia asked, causing Connie to lift her head to look at the other woman, a slight scowl on her face as she wondered how Julia thought she'd felt.

"Terrified, like any normal person would have been. I cried myself to sleep that night, after I was sure Grace was asleep." Connie sighed, in her mind she'd already admitted weakness by going to a therapist and now she was admitting that she cried herself to sleep.

"I get the feeling that you aren't a normal person Connie, you're strong. Stronger than any human being should be, just remember that even the strongest of person breaks sometimes." Julia spoke, then stayed quiet offering Connie a chance to continue her story, but she never began speaking causing Julia to start talking again. "Where was Jacob?"

"Something had to give." Connie whispered as the tears came again.

A/N Tonight's episode was so sad, this takes place sometime in the aftermath of that episode. I hope you've enjoyed the first chapter, the second chapter shouldn't be too much of a wait. Please let me know what you thought. Thanks.

Beth x


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